At the end of the month I’ll have to decide if I want to extend my contract 3 months, or head home at the beginning of June. Not really considering staying an extra year.

I keep putting off thinking seriously about it, because it’s such a big decision. There are reasons I’d want to stay and reasons to leave.

I want to stay here longer because:
The longer I stay the easier it gets. I settle further into the routine and demands of my job. I could also ask my boss to give me a textbook-based class, so I’d be practicing another style of teaching. All my classes are speaking-focused at the moment. I love my kids, and really care about them. I’m also slowly, slowly meeting more people. Kind and fun people. So I’m curious to see if we could become really close and I could feel a better sense of belonging and companionship here. My Korean is slowly but surely improving, a lot of it by coming across words in everyday life. I remember them a lot easier that way. Like when my landlord was trying to explain there was ‘construction’ going on and I had no idea what he was talking about… But now I’ll never forget ‘construction’, heh.

That said, I’ve already got some great friends back at home. There are some free Korean classes in Sydney, and I could possibly enrol with one of my favorite teachers. I seem to be qualified for some of the TESOL positions that come up in Sydney. I miss the food, and being able to talk to anyone and say exactly what I mean, and understand what they mean. Also, just meet people that I feel like I connect with, regardless of the language. There’s someone in particular that I miss deeply, but I’ve got to be realistic about that I guess.

Aaanyway. Life here is fine. I’m not unhappy. I just feel a bit like I’m fighting an uphill battle. My friendships just don’t compare to the ones I have in Sydney, and what I get out of them. Their frankness and understanding and humor. I used to feel self-conscious at the gym, but doubly so here. I haven’t taken my jacket to the dry cleaner because I’m too nervous, not even sure about what exactly? My place doesn’t really feel like my own. Maybe I’m nit-picking, but I’d like a room/place that really feels like mine. Like my old room did. Not a big factor, but just reflecting on it now.

Hmm so. I think I’m hesitant to move back because I’m scared of the unknown. Scared that there’s maybe something cool I haven’t found here yet, and scared that there’s nothing in the unknown waiting there for me.

Side note, it’s so rewarding when students express how much they like me. Like when some hug me, or give me food, or when they find out I’m their teacher they all yell with wide grins “Yaaaaaaay!”. For phone testing a student today said I’m her favorite teacher, but maybe she was just playing the system, heh. Still. I really like being a positive force in their lives. They’re funny, and cute and relatively hard working. I’ll miss them a lot, and it’s pretty sad to think I will probably never see them again.

I don’t know. I think one year is enough. I knew I was leaving some big things behind when I came here in the first place, so that I could try and move forward. I think I should try do the same thing again.

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